My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
