The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize