from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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