I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just forgot I was standing up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
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