do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
