Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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