Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
