did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
