it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
