Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
