the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize