i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
