whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
