i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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