my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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