Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
