I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
