How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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