pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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