Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
