And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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