i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize