I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
