I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
