I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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