I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
