I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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