i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize