At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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