Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
