wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
