Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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