Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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