i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
