btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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