end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
