someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You need a sexual gate keeper
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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