Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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