so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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