There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
