i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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