I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
