So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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