its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am midnight drunk by noon
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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