She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
