i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
