What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
