I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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