May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We got so high we made milksteak
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
