He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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