So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
