Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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