when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
