my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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