We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
