I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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