I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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